#49 Deep Throating Tips, Becoming A Hotwife & Being Confident Riding Your Man With Casey Donatello

Casey Donatello is a married, non-monogamous author and podcast host who embraces the Hotwife lifestyle. She is passionate about supporting others on their journey to becoming more confident and unapologetic in their lives and their sexual choices. 

In today’s episode, we discuss how she found a partner who aligned with her vision for life and sex and how they deal with jealousy, communication, and rule-setting as they cultivate partner-sharing experiences. Casey also offers practical wisdom on entering the Hotwife lifestyle, deep throating your partner and embracing all aspects of yourself through nudism, content creation, and fulfilling sexual encounters. Tune in to hear all this and more from today’s candid and sexually empowered guest!

Key Points From This Episode

• An overview of Casey Donatello and her introduction to the Hotwife lifestyle.
• Her relationship journey leading up to her current marriage.
• Jealousy in the Hotwife lifestyle and how her dates are structured.
• Rule-setting and the feedback process. 
• Tips for those looking to pursue a Hotwife lifestyle.
• Why it’s essential to share your sexual aspirations with a potential partner. 
• Casey explains how to deep throat your partner comfortably.
• Advice for finding the confidence to talk dirty.
• Our guest weighs in on whether or not size matters.
• Advice for women who might be reluctant to be on top.
• Why Casey doesn’t edit any of her content.
• How public nudism has helped Casey to gain body confidence. 
• Tips for women who are hoping to squirt. 
• Casey’s complex journey into the lifestyle.
• The story behind Casey’s four books.

Quotes

“[Hotwifing] is completely different than a regular threesome. Sometimes, it’s hard for people to understand how three people isn’t always the same equation. But it really isn’t.” — Casey Donatello [0:05:50]

“It’s like putting your relationship in a pressure cooker when you invite other people into your bed.” — Casey Donatello [0:08:26]

“There’s no right or wrong to what you are interested in. It’s just that you and your partner [have to] agree on it.” — Casey Donatello [0:19:06]

“A lot of times, people don’t want to talk about sex when they’re having sex, but that’s the best time.” — Casey Donatello [0:30:53]

“If you absolutely hate something or it hurts you, speak up! Don’t let somebody hurt your body because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.” — Casey Donatello [0:31:22]

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Transcript

“CD: I was good at giving blowjobs, right? But deep-throating was not something natural to me. I was afraid of it. I didn’t think it was possible. I had this weird idea that I was going to either choke or suffocate on a cock, which sounds ridiculous, but when it’s in your throat and you can’t breathe, you’re just like, “Oh, my God. How do people do this?” We actually did training sessions where we would just practice my breathing.” 

[INTRODUCTION]

[0:00:31] SJ: This is The Bad Girls Bible Podcast. I’m your host, Sean Jameson, and this is the place where I interview experts, professionals, and everyone in between to teach you how to dramatically improve your relationships and have more enjoyable sex, more often. If you’re not already subscribed to The Bad Girls Bible Podcast, you just need to open your podcasts up, search for Bad Girls Bible, and hit that subscribe button, so you get the latest episodes delivered straight to you the moment they are released. 

[INTERVIEW]

[0:01:03] SJ: Casey, thanks so much for coming on the podcast. 

[0:01:06] CD: Hi. Thank you for having me. I’m very excited. 

[0:01:08] SJ: Awesome. I’d love it if you could tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and how you discovered and embraced the Hotwife lifestyle. 

[0:01:17] CD: Sure. When I was in my early 20s, I actually discovered the lifestyle and I was having an affair with my boss at the time, so very scandalous start to the whole lifestyle. We were playing with girls and soft swapped with couples a little bit, but we didn’t get too far into things, because we were not in a healthy relationship, as you can imagine. 

Primarily, we went to lifestyle clubs on Saturday nights, that was our thing. We would go to parties, hook up with people, not really form any friendships or ongoing connections. When we broke up, I went back to being vanilla. I thought, “Okay, you need a partner to do this. I can’t do this on my own.” I went back to vanilla dating not for a very long time, though, because once it was in my head and I knew that world existed, I had a really hard time forgetting about it. I just felt like it was calling to me. 

After a few failed rebound relationships in the vanilla realm, I ended up going back onto a swinger site as a single girl. That’s when shit just got really crazy, because being a single girl in the lifestyle is very overwhelming. You get very popular, very fast, because guys want you, couples want you, everybody wants you. If you’re a single female, you get so much attention, and the world is pretty much yours, where in the vanilla world you’re one of millions of girls, but on a lifestyle website, there’s not a lot of you. 

Immediately you get like put on a pedestal. It can be a lot to deal with. From there, I started hooking up with couples a little bit, and then I fell into playing with multiple guys. A guy I knew offered to have one of his friends come for a threesome. I had sex with two guys for a threesome. After that, I was like, “Wow, this is amazing.” I didn’t know I could have two guys at the same time. That really just blew my mind, and I became obsessed with multiple guys. Then from there, I got really heavy into gangbangs. 

I was lucky to find some really nice guys in the lifestyle that were very educated in the world of having gangbangs and multiple guys for girls that they knew. It became kind of like grooming me for the Hotwife world, because I wasn’t dating them. They were just casual partners that I had, but if you look at what we were doing, it was Hotwifing without that title, right? You have a guy sharing the girl that he’s with, getting turned on, watching her fuck these other guys. Then he wants to have sex with her after she’s been used and dirtied by these guys.

I did that for several years. Then when I met my current husband, I really had that in my brain that, “Wow, this is what I see life as for me.” We just fell into that. The funny part is I met my husband in a threesome with another guy. We had a mutual friend that set us up for a threesome, not for us to date just to have like this wild sexual encounter. Then we ended up dating. Even from the first day I met him, there was an element of sharing me, but it was very different. 

I always tell people if you have a threesome with just friends, or you know, no one belongs to anyone. You’re three free agents. It’s super-hot and fun, but mentally, it’s very different than Hotwifing, because I don’t belong to anybody. I’m just a third party. When my husband shares me with someone, there is that imbalance between the three of you, right? It’s me and my husband, plus a third person. So, because he’s sharing me, and when you’re married, you’re not supposed to be shared according to society, right, like you’re off the market once you’re married. The fact that he’s – I know you’re shaking your head no, but I said according to most of society, right? 

I’m like forbidden fruit at that moment, because someone, this guy is fucking someone else’s wife with the husband’s permission, right? It adds to that kinky element and that mental part of knowing that you’re sharing your partner or your partner is sharing you, just adds so many layers of hotness and stimulation to the threesome. It’s completely different than a regular threesome. Sometimes it’s hard for people to understand how three people isn’t always the same equation, but it really isn’t. 

There is something so beautiful and we’re at the point we’ve been together, I always forget, I think almost five years now. He loves when I say, I don’t remember that. He’ll say, I love you while someone else’s cock is inside me. People look at us like, “You’re crazy. How can you do such a thing?” But that’s how close we are. People always want to say, oh, if you’re sharing your partner, your relationship must not be good, something must be missing, you don’t respect each other, you’re headed for divorce, and it’s the total opposite with us. 

We have gotten so close from being in this type of situation. It’s so hard to describe in words sometimes, like how insanely amazing it is when he’s watching me with another guy and I’m watching him watch me with another guy. It’s just incredible. There’s nothing wrong with our sex life. We have great sex one-on-one, but it’s just so much hotter when there’s another person there for some reason. Even my husband will usually be the one that’s like, I think you need to go on a date. I need to see something go on soon. 

It’s generally not me saying, “I want to fuck someone else.” That surprises a lot of people also, because they think if only the woman is having sex, she must be like leading everything and driving the car. I would say, me and my husband are equal in this. We also identify as a stag in Vixen, so there’s no humiliation. He’s not in the cuck role or anything. He just really gets turned on sharing me with other guys. He likes to hear other guys say how good I am in bed or how hot I am. They thank him at the end of the night, which is always hilarious. They shake hands and he’s like, “Thank you so much for letting me fuck your wife.” It’s just so funny to me after all this time. I still get a kick out of it. 

[0:07:54] SJ: There’s no jealousy there. Is there jealousy for some couples in the Hotwife lifestyle?

[0:07:59] CD: 100%. Not just Hotwifing. Any couples in the lifestyle, whether you’re playing with other couples, you’re playing with women or men, a lot of people have jealousy. It’s a really bad thing to have in this world, because you have to face all of your fears, all of your insecurities. Any self-esteem issue that you have, it is going to be magnified. Any trust issues that you have with each other, it’s like putting your relationship in a pressure cooker when you invite other people into your bed, right? You need to be really solid. You need to have a really good foundation and you have to have excellent communication more so than in a regular relationship. 

You also get couples where you can tell one person is forcing the other person to be there. They’re not equally excited to be in the room with you. Which is never a good sign. In Hotwifing, you also get a lot of husbands that, I always say having a fantasy is great, but that doesn’t mean in reality, it’s going to go the way it goes in your head, right? A lot of guys out there say, “Oh, my God, I want to see my wife with another guy.” That’s great. Then they try it and they start to feel like, “Well, okay, I want to see her with guys that are not as attractive as I am. Their cocks aren’t bigger than mine. They don’t make her scream more than I do.” That’s not what we’re looking for here. 

A true husband of a Hotwife wants his wife to be pleased as much as possible. My husband looks for guys with cocks that are bigger than his, like his is the smallest that he wants to see me with. He wants like an upgrade when we play with other guys. He loves when I’m on a date and he hears me moan in a way that he’s not used to hearing me moan. He’s like, “Whoa, how did you do that? What is that?” It’s very exciting to him, like you want the woman to be pleased. That is the whole point of having a Hotwife. My husband is – 

[0:09:58] SJ: – Showing you off. 

[0:10:01] CD: 100%. That’s his favorite part, like he likes when we go out. He wants me to dress sexy. He wants guys staring at me. It’s almost like having a trophy wife or something, like you want guys to want your wife. My husband and I, our dynamic is that, he comes on every single date with me. I do not play alone. Some Hotwives go out by themselves without the husband, but we are a pair. We go everywhere together. He may play on the date. He may not play on the date, but he’s always there to watch. 

Other Hotwives, if the husband isn’t there, they might film it. They might take pictures or FaceTime the husband, so he can be a part of it, but my husband has no interest in that. He wants to watch it live as it’s happening. He wants to give feedback and direction and make requests for me and the other people to live out this fantasy for him. Everybody has their own system, their own rules, their own guidelines. You don’t want to do exactly what other couples are doing, because that’s – 

[0:11:07] SJ: Couples should talk about it, try and create some guidelines. 

[0:11:11] CD: Yeah. Everybody, there’s going to be parameters like you’re sharing your wife. If she’s a Hotwife, we get that, but beyond that, everybody’s way of sharing is going to be different. Your rules are going to be different. Some couples have a no-kissing policy. We don’t have one. We really don’t have many rules at all except the guy has to use a condom. That’s pretty much our only rule at this point. Anything else is up for debate in the moment, but you want to make sure that you’re on the same page before you go on the date, because you have to remember that the guy that you’re playing with, because most of the time you’re playing with men, but a Hotwife, you could be playing with couples or women, whatever, but I speak in the male form. 

That guy is going to read your energy. He’s there for fun, also. If the couple is arguing or fighting in front of the other guy, you’re going to make him so uncomfortable, and that’s not fair to him. Everybody’s supposed to be here for a good time. If the wife kisses him and she wasn’t supposed to, now the husband gets upset that turns into a mess – at first, yeah, you want to make rules, but then I always tell people, the rules you make on day one will be very different from the rules on like year five, because the more you get comfortable things.

The more you’re going to push boundaries, you’re going to change what your limitations are, but the most important thing, and we still do this after five years together. Every time we have a date, at the end of the night, we talk about the date or the next morning. We say, was there anything you didn’t like? What was your favorite part? Did you like that guy? Should we hang out with him again? Was the performance good? What was missing? What do you wish happened? We have to make sure that we are on the same page before we have another date. 

We see the same guys frequently plus new guys, like even if it’s someone that we know really well, we still have that conversation after, because you can’t take anything for granted. You always have to act like it’s the first time. That’s how I feel, right? Because you never want to get complacent. You never want to get lazy. You never want to just assume everything is fine, because you’ve been doing this for a while. People have emotions. 

[0:13:29] SJ: This is in relation to you and your husband that you don’t want to stop checking in and making sure you’re both on the same page. 

[0:13:37] CD: Yeah. Because even though we’ve been doing this for a long time, what if someone’s just having an off night, and what if something just strikes him in a weird way or me in a weird way? What if I didn’t something that he wanted me to do that night, but I’ve done it a million other times, right, like people are moody. This is real life. There doesn’t have to be a good reason for feeling a certain way, but if you feel something, you have to tell your partner. You got to work through it. 

It’s okay to pause and take a break. We’re pretty active when we’re active. We’ll have like a ton of dates for a few months and then we’ll take a month or two off and just like go back to regular life. It’s hard, because you get so used to having other people around that you crave it and your bodies want to see that simulation and experience that, but at the same time, you don’t want to rely on that. You need to make sure that you and your partner still have a really good sex life on your own and it’s not surviving on the lifestyle. You need to find that perfect balance. 

Also, it gets a little, like I don’t know the right word, kind of like mentally exhausting sometimes. If you’re constantly going on new dates with new people, it takes a lot of energy out of you sometimes. 

[0:14:59] SJ: It’s probably a little bit like dealing with new co-workers. I think it applies across life, like it’s very normal to feel that way. 

[0:15:07] CD: Yeah. Sometimes even if we have like a dozen amazing dates, we’re like, “Okay, we need to take a break and just like not socialize for a little while.” Forget the sex part, but just meeting new people constantly, explaining who you are. It’s like the same conversation non-stop. It just takes a lot out of you sometimes and you just want to be home with your partner and your pajamas, like watching TV, eating potato chips after that. 

I always tell people whatever you think you need to be doing is what you should be doing. Don’t go off of what other people are telling you or what your friends are doing. Your journey is at your own pace and there are going to be ups and downs. No matter how solid you and your partner are, there are going to be good days and bad days. Also, the quality of your dates is going to fluctuate. 

I think a lot of times outsiders think people in the lifestyle are having porn star sex all the time. One in reality, there are a lot of dates where guys can’t get hard. People are not sexually compatible. Guys come really fast. You have to understand that just because we’re in the lifestyle, it’s still real people with real bodies. Sometimes your expectations do not get met and that’s okay. It’s an experience and maybe the next one will be better, but you have to be realistic about it. You’re meeting people – 

[0:16:30] SJ:  I think that makes a lot of sense, like what you’re saying there does, I think people get this idea that it’s this incredible fantasy. Maybe because they learn about it, maybe through pornography. They don’t get a realistic idea from pornography about what it actually is. Then, faced with the actual situation, it just doesn’t live up to their expectations or what they were hoping for. The female listener was interested in getting into the Hotwife lifestyle. Do you have any tips or suggestions she could choose maybe when approaching a partner or if she doesn’t have a partner to get involved in it on her own? 

[0:17:09] CD: Well, I would say just be honest, whether you’re the guy that wants to share your wife or you’re the wife that wants to be shared. You have to have a serious conversation, and you have to explain why and what the benefits are, because a lot of times I know a ton of guys that want to share their wife and the wife goes absolutely not. I go. What was the rest of the conversation? They go, that was it. But I think you have to explain that it’s not because something is wrong, it’s not because something is missing, like you think this might add value to your sex life and your relationship and explain the benefits to it, because it could sound offensive at first if your husband’s like, “Oh, I want you to fuck somebody.” Out of the blue and you’re like, “Wait, don’t you love me? Why would you want it?” 

If you’re not used to this world, it could be very shocking and upsetting. You have to explain to your partner why? What is this going to do? How is it going to bring you closer? What types of things can you do together in this world? Then you start that conversation. I always say the best thing to do is go to a club or a party because it’s no pressure. You can just see the environment. You can feel it out. You can have sex with your own partner. You can be naked around other people. That’s it. Then you go from there. 

I don’t think your first adventure should be just like finding someone and having a threesome or gangbang. I don’t think you start high. You aim low. Then you slowly build on it, but that’s my perspective. I think you go like step-by-step. You take it easy. You make sure everybody is comfortable. But you can go to a club and have an amazing time and not ever touch anybody else. Even if you don’t want to be like swapping partners and having special other people, but you just want to be something more than vanilla, you can go to a club and just be a lawyer, be an exhibitionist. 

There’s no right or wrong to what you’re interested in. It’s just that you and your partner agree on it and you’re okay with it. You don’t want to force anybody because then even if they go along with it in the beginning, I think at some point there’s going to be resentment, and there’s going to be blowback from that because you don’t want to say like we need to do this or we’re going to break up. If that’s really how you feel, then maybe that’s not the right partner for you, and that’s not the right relationship. 

I also think it’s really important that if you know you’re not looking for a monogamous relationship, you don’t want to be in a vanilla romance, that you tell someone that before you get really serious with them. We know a ton of couples where especially, I would say, the guy complains that he married a very vanilla girl. Their sex life is boring, and he wants to do all his crazy shit. I go, “Well, when you first got engaged or you first started dating, did you talk about this or what was your expectation?” “No, we never had that conversation.” “Well, then you can’t blame her 20 years later for not wanting to be in the lifestyle with you.” 

If it’s really that important to you, you have to make that known. I didn’t settle down for a long time because I knew I needed someone that would share me. I was single and miserable for a long time, but it was worth it, because I finally found the guy that wanted to share me and we’re happily married now. I knew it wouldn’t work with somebody that wasn’t in this world. You really need to look at your motivation and the priorities in your life. 

If this is something that kind of sounds hot, but it’s like between one and 10, this is like a two on your list of things you need in a partner, then it’s not that big of a deal, but if it’s like an eight or a nine or a 10, then you owe it to your partner to let them know this before they get invested in you. You don’t want to blindside somebody with this, when you knew all along, this is your goal in life, because then you’re not giving that relationship a fair chance. 

[0:21:07] SJ: Yeah. I’d say exactly the same thing: whether you want to start a family, exactly what you’re saying here, what your aspirations are. Maybe you want to retire early, you want to live in a city, or maybe you don’t, you want to live in a suburb. All those things are super important for a long-term relationship. I obviously think they have to be discussed before – 

[0:21:27] CD: It’s funny that you said the kid thing, because Jason and I were both 100%, we do not want kids. That was actually very hard in our mid-30s to be dating, because everybody, both of us were meeting. It’s like, “Oh, we want to have a family. We want kids.” The minute someone said that to me on our first date, I don’t care how much I liked them. I said, “We are not a match.” 

[0:21:50] SJ: Yeah. But it’s great to know on a first stage instead of being strong along. Again, it just goes back to priorities and talking about your priorities. 

[0:21:59] CD: Yeah. Again, it depends, like in your life, what are your values and your priorities? If something is a maybe, then feel it out for a few dates, but if it’s a definite yes or a definite no, tell people right away. What is the difference? Either they’re going to be on the same page with you and you’re going to cut to the chase, or they’re going to disagree. I need both. Save yourselves a lot of time. 

[0:22:21] SJ: In the past, we’ve had a lot of guests on the podcast that have been really great. They’ve been university professors, maybe therapists, and that’s fantastic, but often, they’ve given this great advice. It’s been quite general, so they’ve talked about maybe going to therapy, the importance of communication, trying to reading a book together. A lot of that advice is just not super specific to sex techniques. I’d love to hear from you. I’d love to jump in and ask if that’s cool with you, some more specific questions on how listeners can improve their sex life. Okay, so what makes for a good blowjob, in your opinion? 

[0:23:01] CD: Oh, my God. I wish my husband was here right now, because, so the funny thing is I have to go back from it. When I first met Jason, obviously, I gave blowjobs. It’s a part of, like foreplay, but I would blow a guy to get him hard so that he could fuck me, like that was my goal. Then I meet my husband and he’s mister, like, oral fetish. I want to have a blowjob for like an hour and then not even fuck you. I’m like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. This does not work for me.” right? 

Now, five years later, things have shifted a little. Just recently, I’ve learned how to deep throat, because I knew that was like a passion of his. This is going to sound really funny, but when you talk about how do you have good sex or make sex better, it takes practice sometimes. Excuse me. I was good at giving blowjobs, right, but deep-throating was not something natural to me. I was afraid of it. I didn’t think it was possible. 

I had this weird idea that I was going to either choke or suffocate on a cock, which sounds ridiculous, but when it’s in your throat and you can’t breathe, you’re just like, “Oh, my God. How do people do this?” We actually did like training sessions where it was not sexy. It wasn’t hot, but we would just practice me, like breathing. He would count, and I would control my head when you’re learning how to do something. 

[0:24:28] SJ: He’s inside you for this?

[0:24:29] CD: Like in my mouth. Yeah. So, he would be super hard. Then he’d be like, “Okay, whenever you’re ready.” I would relax. I would just see how far I could push it and a little more, a little more. Then, one day, it wasn’t him. It was a guy we were on a date with. All of a sudden, his cock just slid right down my throat. The three of us were like, “Oh, my God. What just happened?” So, then after that, we were like, “Okay, if I could do it to other people, I have to be able to do it my own husband.” But my husband’s cock is, it’s like straight as an arrow and it does not flex at all. It is like insanely rock hard where other guys have a slight curve or it’s very different to deep throat, different cocks. 

Each one is unique and we had to learn different positions. If someone curves up versus down, like I need to be in a different position. So, we really took our time and studied it and practiced it. Again, it wasn’t sexy all the time. It’s like being in school for something, but then it got to the point where it got easy. Now, it is super-hot, because I can just like easily do it. But I would say, he would say the best thing for a good blowjob is one enthusiasm. You can’t be giving a blowjob that you don’t want to give. That is like Jason’s phrase right there all over it. 

[0:25:50] SJ: If he really wants a blowjob at first, but you don’t want to give it, then it turns out he actually then doesn’t really want, he doesn’t really want the blowjob anymore. 

[0:25:58] CD: Exactly. He will tell you, like the girl needs to be into it, she needs to be enthusiastic. You want good eye contact. He loves to hear the sounds of the saliva forming in the mouth, like the gurgling and the slurping, so noise. He likes a lot of saliva. It’s like a waterfall coming out of my mouth. He’s into like really hardcore face fucking, like stuff you would see in porn, but not everybody needs to do that. 

You could have like a low-key, very sensual, sexual, romantic blowjob. I would say the biggest thing is that – and it might not be a girl giving it. Maybe you’re getting a blowjob from a guy. Hey, whatever you want, but the person giving should really be into it and they want to do it. That’s the same thing with anything, like you don’t want to fuck someone that’s not really in the mood to have sex, right? 

[0:26:46] SJ: Just like a starfish, just lying there. 

[0:26:48] CD: Also, you can use the pepper grinder, so you’re like using your hand and twisting your hand on the shaft as you’re sucking cock. All of those things are good. 

[0:26:58] SJ: You mentioned a romantic sensual blowjob. Would you use different techniques for that, as supposed to say a rougher face fucking? 

[0:27:07] CD: It’s funny, because when we first met and he wanted to do all this crazy face fucking and I was like, “Ew, I don’t like that.” Right? Five years ago. I said, “Let me give you, like a normal blowjob.” He wasn’t really interested. He’s like, “Fine. Let me see what happens.” I made love to his cock for like 45 minutes. He was in heaven. He goes, “Wow, I never had a blowjob like that before. I’m surprised I was into it.” But I think, because I was so into giving it, like he was just like, “Oh, my God. This is amazing.” He came in my mouth, like that’s the thing. You can like more than one type of something. I love hardcore, like really rough sex, but I also like really intimate romantic sex, like it shouldn’t be one or the other all time. 

I think it’s more like mood dependent, what’s going on at the time. You have to be able to mix it up. If you only do one thing all the time, it starts to get boring. You start to lose like interest in it. It’s good to mix it up and keep your partner like guessing sometimes. I would say, if you’re doing more romantic and sensual, like it’s not going to be as loud, and messy, and graphic. It’s going to be more subtle. I think that person can feel like your sensuality, like just the way you’re touching them, and moving. Sometimes being tender is really exciting if you’re used to a lot of craziness, right? A lot of times people think it’s the opposite, like – 

[0:28:33] SJ: Because it spices it up. 

[0:28:35] CD: Exactly. But people think a lot of times that it has to be crazy to spice it up, but it can be the opposite. Whatever the opposite of what you’re used to is, that’s going to be spicing it up sometimes. 

[0:28:46] SJ: Exactly. Then what about for a hand job? What makes a good hand job or is it something similar? 

[0:28:54] CD: You know, that’s going to be a rough one, because in our house, we don’t approve of hand jobs. My husband, anytime my husband doesn’t like something in life, he goes and that’s a hand job. If like, say you got a parking ticket or whatever, like his phrase is that’s a hand job, like it’s horrible. We actually don’t perform a lot of hand jobs in this house, because it’s going to be in my mouth if I’m touching it or he’s going to be fucking me. But I would say that if I had to guess, because I haven’t given one in so long, definitely a lube. You don’t want to like be stroking someone’s cock if it’s dry, so either a lot of spit or a lot of lubes, but I would say that’s the most important thing. 

[0:29:28] SJ: Awesome. Then for guys going down and you any specific techniques that you enjoy that perhaps a guy listening to the podcast could emulate with their partner. 

[0:29:39] CD: All right, there’s definitely an art form here. I mean, I don’t go down on girls. I don’t really know, but from receiving, I could tell you that I like a mix of, like them using their mouth, but also their fingers inside me. However, like you can’t just shove your whole hand in there and be so rough and hurt the person. It’s very delicate inside your vagina. Even though I like rough sex and stuff, you have to be careful with fingers. You need like some kind of skill and technique, but also go by the girl’s reaction. 

If she’s not saying anything and she’s not moving, she probably doesn’t like it, but doesn’t want to tell you. If she’s moaning and like screaming, like you should know if someone likes it, whether it’s a guy or a girl you’re touching. Listen to how their body reacts. If she’s just lying there like a dead fish, she probably hates what you’re doing, but feels bad. You could also ask. 

[0:30:33] SJ: That’s important. They don’t want to hurt the guy’s ego. 

[0:30:36] CD: Big time. If you’re the girl, you can say, “Could you put like one less finger or can you go a little gentler or a little firmer.” Like give them a little guidance, but also, if you like what they’re doing, reinforce that big, “Oh, my God. That feels so good. Keep doing that.” A lot of times people don’t want to talk about sex while they’re having sex, but that’s really the best time to talk about sex, right? Because you’re in the moment. You can correct behavior there. You can stop something you don’t like. 

Again, don’t be mean, like don’t hurt someone’s feeling and kill the mood, but give a little feedback if you need to. You could literally take someone’s hand and put it where you want on your body without even saying a word. There are cues and movements to make it feel a little more natural, but if you absolutely hate something or it hurts you, definitely speak up. Don’t let somebody like hurt your body, because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. That is like the silliest thing ever. 

[0:31:32] SJ: How important is consistency when a guy goes down on a girl? 

[0:31:36] CD: Consistency? 

[0:31:38] SJ: Yeah, or is it actually that important at all? 

[0:31:41] CD: You mean as in like are they doing the same thing the whole time or are they mixing it up? 

[0:31:45] SJ: Exactly. What I’m talking about is the guy who’s going down on his partner, is he using the same technique at the same speed, at the same rhythm? Something that his female partner likes, or are they constantly mixing it up every 10 seconds? They’re using a different technique, constantly switching, changing. 

[0:32:05] CD: You don’t want to switch too frequently, because then you can use the good thing that you’re doing. Again, it really takes reading the person. If you know the person well, if they’re your partner and you know, okay, they like this move and only this move, then don’t do anything different. If it’s a new person, you have to feel them out and gauge, like you try something, they moan more, you keep going in that direction. They stop moaning, because you switch, you go back to the first one. It really like, a lot of it is common sense and just awareness of what’s happening. 

Also remember, this is a really important one. Every girl’s body is different. What it takes to make me come from oral is going to be different from a different girl that you meet. If I love having like three of your fingers inside me while you’re going down on me, some other girl might hate that. You can’t just have like one go to routine that you’re going to use on everybody. Same thing with guys. When you’re sucking a guy’s cock, guys like it different. 

What I do for my husband isn’t going to work on every single guy that I play with. You have to read the room and go by how that person is reacting to you. I really think if you’re pleasing someone, it should be very easy to tell and it shouldn’t be a big secret. You’re looking for that reaction where like, “Wow, they really like this.” If you can’t tell, then do something different. 

[0:33:29] SJ: I get a bunch of emails from female listeners asking. It’s not so much how to talk dirty, but it’s how to get the confidence at the beginning to begin with talking dirty to their partner. Do you have any advice? It’s not necessarily to say the wildest thing possible. It’s just to feel maybe more confident, maybe feel more comfortable with beginning to talk dirty. Do you have any advice for them? 

[0:33:57] CD: That’s funny that you said that, because you would think talking dirty is easier than doing something dirty, but I really think for a lot of people, it’s the opposite, right? Because talking dirty, if the person doesn’t respond to you or doesn’t respond in the way you anticipated, or they seem shocked that you said something, like it can make you really uncomfortable and startled like, “Oh, my God. Why did I just do that?” Especially if it’s not happening while you’re having sex, right? Because dirty talk can happen anytime. 

We could just start having dirty talk right now, we’re not having sex, right? It could lead to sex, hopefully. I think a great way, if you’re really that nervous, try sending like a flirty text message, see if you get a response, right? Because when you’re face-to-face, it’s always harder to take rejection, but if you use the beauty of the internet for this reason, you can text someone something and then it’s out there whether they respond or not. Then you can gauge where you’re at. If you write something really tame, they might match it or they might come back like hardcore and you’re just like, “Holy shit, I opened this like floodgate now.” You could try that. 

It’s one of those things that if you don’t try it, you’re not going to know. I think a lot of times, like one person is afraid to do it, but the other person would love if they did it. It doesn’t have, it could be anything, not just dirty talking, right? Any sexual thing out there, it’s like, you’re so afraid of being judged for what you like, but a lot of times, other people are really into it too, but they don’t want to admit it either, so it takes one bold person to just start the conversation and you’d be surprised what comes from it. 

I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy that I can say honestly, and I’ve been with like a lot of people that did not like dirty talk. It’s always weird if they don’t talk back. That was weird for me at first, but sometimes it’s going to be a one-sided conversation, which sounds a little weird. But even if they don’t say dirty stuff back to me, and I think sometimes they don’t want to call me names in front of my husband. We’ve noticed that, but me and my husband will talk dirty in front of them, and I could feel him getting harder listening to us talk dirty to each other. 

It’s one of those things where it’s just, like a level of comfort sometimes. I think if you take the initiative, so like say to me and my husband, right? Maybe he’s thinking like I would love to call her a slut, but I don’t want to offend her, right? If the woman’s like, “Hey, am I being a good slut for you?” Right? Like you framed it for him now. You open the door for him to be like, “Oh, I guess I can use that word now.” Right? It can be really casual. You can just slip something in there. It doesn’t have to be super graphic right away. I think a flirty text or like an X-rated photo with a caption or something is a great way to start that. If you’re nervous saying it in person.

[0:36:58] SJ: I think that’s fantastic advice. Does size matter? What are your thoughts? 

[0:37:03] CD: Oh, this is a very interesting question. It’s a yes and no, just like physically speaking. Yes, it’s going to reach deeper. It’s going to hit you in other places. If you’re talking about like a nine-inch cock versus a five-inch cock, it’s really hard to compare them, right? They’re really thick. They’re going to stretch you really nicely, but having said that, so like I’m kind of a size queen, but with like an asterisk, like we want me to be a size queen, but we also still play with people that are considered more average, because there’s a lot of guys with massive cocks that aren’t good in bed. They think because they have a good cock, they don’t have to do anything. That’s really not the case. 

Having a nine-inch cock just sit inside you and not do anything is not very exciting. Whereas you could be with a guy that has like a five-inch cock and he just knows like all the right angles and has all of this like intensity and excitement about him and he can make you cum. It’s really a given and a take. Also, when I was learning to deep throw it first, we were looking for smaller guys, because I wasn’t good at it, right? So, then as I got better, we started looking for larger cocks for me to suck. 

Again, there’s a time into place. I prefer as big as they come for inside my vagina, but there’s a lot of women out there that don’t like massive cocks, like they want average size or they can’t fit these monsters inside of them. If you’re not hung a horse, guys, like don’t worry. There are people out there that still want you, especially if you’re going to get into DP or DV. So, like double penetration or double vaginal. Now you’re putting, especially double vaginal, you’re putting two cocks and your pussy at the same time. Maybe you want to average sizes, because you can’t fit two monster cocks inside you at the same time, right? 

I feel like everything has a good and a bad to it. It’s hard to say like only this is good or only this is bad. We like to keep an open mind, but again, no matter what size cock you have, you have to know what to do with it. You have to know like good positions, good rhythm, good thrusting. You can’t just lay there and think, because you’re hard, like we’re impressed. That’s part of it, but you still got to do something with it. 

[0:39:25] SJ: 100%. I often get emails from women in heterosexual relationships that they feel very uncomfortable when they’re on top during sex, when they’re in positions like the cowgirl position. as a guy, I never really thought about it myself. But do you have any thoughts, advice, techniques, tips, maybe that they could use to become more comfortable, to become more confident when they’re riding their man, when they’re on top of their man during sex? 

[0:39:55] CD: Number one, that is my favorite position. I love DV and I love getting fucked from behind. I think you can get really good impact and really good force if the guy is controlling things. However, if I want to come, I want to be on top. That is the best position for me to have like endless orgasms. If it’s a nice cock, I could come on him like a hundred times if he lets me stay on him. 

I think women need to embrace being in control, like you don’t realize that in that position, you’re the one doing the work, so you control the speed, the rhythm, whether you’re bouncing or like dry rating, whatever you want to call it, right, like you have the ability to please yourself better on top than in any other position. At least that’s how I feel with my body, because everybody is different. I think it’s also, I feel very powerful on top, because I know he’s just lying there underneath me at my will. I think that’s really hot. 

I’ve learned that women especially, all the things we hate about ourselves, or that we’re self-conscious about, or we’re worried about are the things that guys love the most, right? I remember my twenties and early thirties. I have a nice body. I’m curvy, like I love my body, but I always said I wish my thighs were slimmer. I wish you could see – you don’t need stand up. You want to see like that ray of light shining between your thighs. 

[0:41:23] SJ: The thigh gap. 

[0:41:24] CD: Right, the thigh gap. I used to be so upset. Then the more I started fucking all these random guys, they’re like, “Wow, I love your thighs.” Like they grab them, they squeeze them. I’m like, “Holy shit, maybe my thighs are really nice.” All the things that we’re afraid of are the things that guys actually think are super-hot. So, like when you’re on top and you’re like, “Oh, my boobs are sagging or they’re flapping around.” Like, they fucking love that shit, like they want to see that. 

[0:41:49] SJ: It’s true.

[0:41:50] CD: If you look down to him. If you look down while you’re riding him, you will see his face light up like it’s Christmas, like they enjoy that. They’re not judging us, like we’re judging ourselves, which is really crazy to me. It’s super empowering. If you’re nervous at first, there’s a couple of things you can do. You can either dim the lights, so you’re not in a spotlight, right? You could be a little more comfortable. I don’t really like lights all the way off. I think that’s weird to be in complete darkness and have like no connection. I would say like dim the lights if you’re a little nervous. 

You could even be a little kinky and put a blindfold on the guy, so he can’t stare at you, but you can stare at him. Little by little, you’re just going to get so comfortable, because you’re going to see his reaction to what’s happening with you on top. Also, this is another great part of Hotwifing is my husband likes to see me with other guys, because when I’m fucking him, he can’t see all the angles, right? He finally sees what’s in front of him, so if I’m riding him, he’s looking at the front of me. 

If I’m riding someone else, he can stand behind me and get like all these great views. It’s really exciting to him. But like, he’s like, “Oh, my God.” From behind like, “Your ass looks so amazing when you’re riding this guy.” Right? To me, I’m like, “Oh, my butt has like cellulite. It’s like jiggling.” They’re like, “No, the jiggling is fucking hot.” So, listen to the guys. They are not fucking around. They’re not lying. If they’re hard, they are really excited by what’s happening. That’s the great thing about guys is because they get hard. It’s really hard for them, no pun intended, for them to deny what’s turning them on, right? 

If I look over on a date and my husband is rock hard, I’m like, “Okay, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing.” If my husband is soft while I’m with another guy, I’m like, “Wow, this is horrible. I need to mix it up right now, because he’s not finding this attractive.” Right? Girls, it’s a little harder. Yeah, we get wet, but you can’t tell by looking at us if we’re like super turned on or we can be full of shit, but guys don’t lie. 

That’s the other thing too, like my husband has two erections. I like to call it. He has the erection that’s for me, so he gets nice – I know, I’m hilarious, right? He gets hard when he’s with me, but when there’s another guy around or another guy just left, his erection is like 25% harder. It’s insane, like I can physically feel the difference in his body by having someone else around. That’s like turning us on and me misbehaving and being a bad slut for him, like his cock does not lie, because in the beginning, sometimes your husband’s sharing and you’re like, “Does he really this? Is he just doing this, because it’s important to me?” Then you’re like, “Oh, fuck. I felt it throbbing inside me right now.” Like he definitely likes this. 

We’re at the point where, if say, we’re in the kitchen, I’m cooking dinner and he starts talking about sharing me, like his cock is super hard in his sweatpants, just from talking about it, like that’s how much he enjoys it. That’s a really good indicator if you’re not sure how your partner is feeling and they’re a guy, like touch their cock. Look at their cock when they’re talking to you and you’re doing stuff, like if they are getting a rack, there’s a reason for it. But if they’re telling you something is super-hot and they’re soft, then I’d be like, “Hmm, what’s going on here? I need to investigate this a little further.” Use common sense, use all the things, all your five senses to figure out what’s happening. 

[0:45:09] SJ: You mentioned how some women can, they can feel maybe self-conscious, almost feel like they have body issues when they’re on top. I also get a lot of emails from women that they feel self-conscious about their vagina. They think maybe it doesn’t, maybe it doesn’t smell right. Maybe it tastes weird. Maybe they think it doesn’t look pretty enough. Maybe even that they should get some type of plastic surgery. What can you say to them? Maybe that might help them that isn’t get the surgery, but can let them know that maybe they’re totally normal.

[0:45:44] CD: Well, my first reaction always is me personally, I don’t believe in like changing myself. I don’t wear makeup. I don’t dye my hair. I don’t do – like me when I wake up is me middle of the day on a date, I am always the same. That’s me. I’m starting to get gray hair. I don’t give a fuck, right? I think that you should figure out a way to like who you are and date somebody that makes you feel good about yourself. If my husband is constantly telling me I need to fix all these issues that I’m self-conscious about, that’s not a great partner to have. 

You want someone that’s like, “No, you’re exactly the way you should be.” Someone actually told me recently, I forget who I was talking to. Because you know the phrase like, I’m perfectly imperfect or I embrace my imperfections. Just by saying the word imperfection, you’re already labeling yourself like there’s something wrong. None of these things should be imperfection. It’s just how you are. It’s just you. Everybody is different, right? You’re not going to be like everybody else. 

I don’t think surgery and enhancements. I don’t know. For me, I don’t feel like that would make me feel better about myself. It might make me even feel worse about myself. You don’t know, but everybody has something that they don’t love. I don’t care who you are. Everybody has an insecurity about something. Whether it’s physically, personality wise, your status at work. There’s something that you don’t love about yourself. That’s okay. Not everything is going to be perfect. 

I remember, I think, I have a nice body. I’m really happy with myself, right? Then we got in OnlyFans, I started seeing myself on video getting fucked. I was like, “Holy shit, I’ve never seen myself at that angle.” I’ve never seen that roll of fat on my stomach when I was bent over in half, like what the fuck is going on? My husband’s like, “You always look like that.” I was like, “Oh, my God. I was horrified.” He’s like, “What’s wrong with you? It’s super-hot. Why would you be embarrassed by that?” Then little by little, I was like, “Oh.” I don’t edit any of my videos now, like whatever position I’m in, I don’t care what I look like. If my face is bright red, I’m covered in sweat, like that’s the video, because that’s what I actually look in real life. 

There’s something beautiful about that, that when you’re having sex, especially, I feel like that’s the best time to be confident and not worry about your flaws and just be in the moment and have fun. We go nude camping a lot too. That’s another one. Going to a nude beach or a nude resort. I think everybody should try that, because you will learn to love yourself so fast. It takes so much confidence to walk around naked. 

I think that, when we’re having sex, obviously you’re naked for the most part. Unless you have like some lingerie on. You’re expected to be naked, right? They go hand in hand. In our society, being naked for no reason is not really that common or that popular, right? You’re extra uncomfortable, if you’re just hanging out naked, not doing anything, right? When we first started going camping and we started playing tennis and bike riding, like you’re doing physical things, your body parts are moving. They’re not in a sports bra or leggings and you’re like, “Holy shit. This is weird. I must look like a train wreck right now.” Everybody looks like a train wreck, because everybody’s naked and not in a train wreck, like and in a bad way, but you’re not perfect and proper at every moment. 

Yeah. Your boobs are going to look different if you’re not in a bra, right? It’s one of those things that it’s so scary at first to be naked in public, but then it’s so empowering and liberating and you’re just like, “Fuck it. I get to be myself.” Everybody is just like so cool. I think when people are naked in a public setting like that, there’s this sense of like ease among everybody, because you can’t judge anybody based on what they’re wearing, right? Like if everybody’s naked, you can’t say, “Oh, that person must be successful. They must have a high paying job, because of what they’re wearing.” That person looks like they might be unemployed right now. There’s no status going on. There’s really nothing to judge anybody off of. 

I think if you’re brave enough to be naked, you’re like, there’s nothing else to hide, so everybody is very friendly and very open. When we go to nude resorts, we make friends so fast versus when we go to regular campgrounds, we don’t talk to anybody. It’s a really interesting like mentality that’s going on. Also, the thing about being naked is a lot of people assume if you’re in a place that allows nudity, everybody’s fucking, but real nudism has nothing to do with sex, right? There are completely different things. 

You have regular nudism where people just want to be naked. It could be like a naturalist place, clothing optional, but there’s nothing sexual happening, right? But then you can go to a swinger’s place that allows nudity and everybody’s fucking, but that’s what it’s for. That’s not like classic nudist place. You have to know which place you’re going to and what the appropriate behavior is. This would blow my mind the first time we went to a clothing optional place. I read the FAQ page and it was like, no thongs, no lingerie. They had like a list of things you couldn’t wear and I’m thinking, “If you could be naked, why can’t you be a lingerie?” Like lingerie is more covered up, but lingerie is sexual, right? You’re creating – 

[0:51:09] SJ: Ah, okay.

[0:51:10] CD: That look for people to get aroused by looking at you. You’re enhancing your body. Nudism is about just being yourself like the way you were created and not drawing attention to yourself. So, that was weird for me at first, because I was like, I love walking around and lingerie. I can do that at a lifestyle place, but not at a nudist place. You really need to know, like do your research no matter where you’re going or what you’re doing in life, not just in this conversation, but just be educated about things and have an open mind and learn. 

It was exciting for us to learn all of these new different things. It’s been really fun, but like I said, just learning to be comfortable naked, not doing anything, like think about it, you have no pockets to put your hands in. You can’t fidget with any clothing. It literally takes a lot to get used to, but once you can conquer that fear, it’s just so fun and it’s great. You don’t have to worry about what to wear when you get up in the morning at the campground. You’re just always ready to go. It’s so peaceful, but people always have this fear like I’m not hot enough to be naked. I’m not this perfect size to be naked. 

You get every shape and size, every age, every body type. It’s really for everyone. It’s one of the most inclusive places you can go and never feel like you’re not good enough. That’s the beauty of it, is that everybody is fine the way they are. Once you understand that, it’s just the most like liberating thing you can imagine. 

[0:52:34] SJ: One last question. Squirting. Do you have any tips for women trying to learn how to squirt on their own or for women and their partners trying to make them squirt?

[0:52:46] CD: Okay, so this is funny. I heard of squirting a long time ago and I was like, “Oh, that’s pretty crazy. I definitely can’t do that.” So, when I was on a date with a couple one time. We were in their basement and I’m having sex with the husband on the couch, like we’re fooling around. All of a sudden, I’m like, “Oh, my God, I thought I peed the couch.” I was so embarrassed. I had no idea what was happening. He was like, “Oh, my God. That’s so hot.” I’m thinking, what’s wrong with this guy? I just peed on this fucking couch and he thinks it’s hot. He’s like, “You just squirted.” I was like, “What? I didn’t know I could do that.” It blew my fucking mind. 

Then it was another thing where it took a little practice. There’s like a certain technique that works on me, like you can only do like one method to make me squirt. The biggest thing for me is that you can’t think about it. You can’t focus on the fact that you want to squirt, because then I will never squirt when I’m thinking about it. I have to be relaxed. I can’t focus on it. I prefer to be laying on my back. Although, I can do it if I’m standing sometimes, but I like my body to be super relaxed. Not using like any of my muscles to hold myself up, but when I first met Jason, he couldn’t make me squirt and it was pissing him off. 

He would actually practice. Just like I practice deep throwing him, he would practice making me squirt. It’s like, if I’m lying on my back, you put your fingers in me and then you have to like lift my crotch up. It’s like an upward motion versus like an in and out, but that’s the only way that it works on me, but it used to piss him off to no end, because he’s like, “How do other guys do this and I can’t?” But eventually he learned how to do it. Again, it takes practice. It takes working with your partner. You have to give your partner the space to like improve if they can’t do it right away. You can’t just say, “Oh, you suck at this. We’re never going to make this work.” It takes time. You got to build on it. You have to not be embarrassed to practice stuff with your partner. 

Again, it might not be sexy. You might not even have sex. You might just say, “Hey, for 10 minutes, I’m going to try to learn how to make you squirt.” You can watch videos. We’re lucky, because we play with so many other guys that sometimes the guys teach each other how to do stuff. So, like I would be lying there and one guy would show my husband like, “Okay, this is how I did it.” Then my husband would try. If you don’t have other people in your sex life, you can’t do that.

Again, you can Google so many things nowadays. You could watch videos, but it’s one of those things like hands on training really is the best. If it works, keep trying that. I can squirt also, there’s one guy that we play with. He has a massive cock and like this crazy curve to it. if he fucks me from behind, I can squirt on him, but only him. It doesn’t work with other people. Sometimes it really is the combination of the two people. Other times it is something that you can train yourself to do and you can learn to do, but you can’t get upset if something doesn’t work, right? You can’t hate your partner, because their cock doesn’t make you squirt and someone else does, like sometimes it’s just genetics and like physical limitations of something. 

If persons cock doesn’t reach that deep into you, but someone else’s does, it’s going to happen and you can’t be mad about it. Especially, when you play with other people, not just your own partner, that’s one of the things that you have to be open to is knowing that people are going to feel different. People are going to get different reactions from your wife. You can’t get jealous, like my husband loves when I score it on the guy’s cock. He’s like, “Oh, he’s coming over tonight. Let’s see if it happens again.” Like you have to be up for that. You can’t be like, “Oh, fuck. That’s not fair that he can do it and I can’t.” You need a good attitude about it, like sex is supposed to be fun, right? You’re supposed to be having a good time. You shouldn’t be ending sexual encounters with attitudes, hurt feelings, disappointment. It should be fun. 

Also, I want to say remember to have fun while you’re having sex. I am a very goofy person, so when I have sex, I’m still a very goofy person. I like joke around while we’re having sex. I say stupid shit. I have a habit of riding guys sometimes. I like take their condoms off by accident, because I’m like my pussy squeezing too hard. Sometimes the guys have to dig it out of me. Everybody laughs about it, like embarrassing stuff happens. Weird stuff happens. If you don’t act ashamed, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of, like this is all part of it. 

If someone falls off the bed or I love this one too, like if someone’s fucking you from behind and you’re really wet and they like hit your ass by accident instead of your pussy, like everybody can laugh. It’s fine. People get so uptight when they’re having sex that it has to be perfect. They have to be smooth. They have to be really cool and sophisticated. Sex is messy. Shit goes wrong and that’s fine. Laugh about it and move on, like have a good time. 

[0:57:33] SJ: Absolutely. I think you also made a great point about squirting that if you’re really focusing, really trying hard to squirt, it can have the opposite effect, because you’re not so relaxed and it doesn’t happen and maybe it’s actually about more being in the moment than really trying to force it to happen. 

[0:57:53] CD: Yeah. Because sometimes my husband will be like, “Oh, you want me to make you squirt?” I go, “Well, if you ask me, it’s never going to work. You got to surprise me with that. I can’t know it’s coming.” But that’s just me. Other people might be able to be like, “Yes, make me squirt right now.” They squirt on command. But for me, I have to be surprised by it. I can’t expect it. I can’t anticipate it, because then I’m just like, “Okay, why isn’t it happening yet? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” You have to know your own body. 

[0:58:19] SJ: Casey, thanks so much for coming on the podcast. If people want to find out more about you, where can they do that? Also, I was wondering if you could tell people about the three books you’ve written, and as well, your new fourth book. 

[0:58:33] CD: Yeah. My company is called In Bed with Strangers, because that was the name of my first book. I think back in 2016 or 2017, I can’t remember. I wrote my first book, which was about me discovering the lifestyle. Because for me, the journey in the lifestyle was very complicated. Some people just embrace their sexuality from day one. I’m very jealous of them. For me, it was a horrible roller coaster of emotions, shame, and guilt. All of these feels like what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I just be in a monogamous relationship? Why do I want to fuck all these different guys all the time? I had a lot of inner turmoil about it. 

I wrote the first book as almost like therapy for myself. Then the second book, I was happy with myself at this point. I was getting into gangbangs. I had all of these great guys that I was playing with when I was still struggling to find a relationship, like an actual boyfriend. It felt like it had to be one or the other, either I have a boyfriend or I have fun. I didn’t like that. Then the third book, I meet my husband and we end up getting married, but it wasn’t just perfect to what I met my husband. It was a disaster when we met. 

We had this great threesome and then he wanted to date. I was like, “No, I don’t know. I don’t really.” He’s one of those guys that he’s so nice when you meet him that you’re like he can’t really be this nice. You’re suspicious, because he’s too nice. A lot of girls feel this way, like we want the nice guy. Then we find him and we’re like, there’s no way you’re actually nice, because we’ve been hurt so many times that we don’t trust. Even though I wanted a boyfriend for so many years, I found him and then I was like, “Fuck you. I don’t want to date you.” It was just like back and forth. I was a mess, but he stuck it out and he let me come around. 

It took a while for us to find our groove in the lifestyle, because he was a single guy. I was a single girl. We had very different opinions of what our relationship should look like. So, it took us a while to figure it out. All of my books, the three books about my life show like the positives and the negatives. They’re sex in them, but it’s really about me figuring out my life and learning how to cope with things and the good situations, the bad situations. It’s very brutally honest and raw. Sometimes I am the asshole in the story. Sometimes the guy’s the asshole, but that’s really how life is, right? It’s never one person completely being right or wrong. 

Then I actually just released my fourth book this past weekend, but this is not a memoir, this is new for me. This is purely fictional erotica. It’s a collection of short stories and it’s called, Filthy Fiction: Volume 1: Dirty Daydreams, because the premise is whenever me and Jason go out and we see people, we assume everybody is doing crazy shit like we are, even though they’re probably not. Every time we overhear conversations, we make up these crazy fantasies for what people are doing behind closed doors. That’s essentially what the book is. It’s a collection of 15 different stories, so that’s out on Amazon right now. That was really fun to write, because it had nothing to do with me. 

When you write memoirs and you have to like dive into your mental trauma and your emotional issues, you’re like, “Wow, this is not fun to write.” It’s, it’s therapeutic, but it’s also like depressing at the same time to be that honest about all of your flaws and stuff. Writing erotica was way more fun. You just get to write whatever you want. It’s purely fantasy. I have like all types of crazy characters. It’s not just about Hotwifing. There’s all different dynamics going on, and all different types of characters, and different crazy sexual scenarios. So, that one I’m actually really excited about. I plan to do a whole collection, so like more volumes to come, but that just hit Amazon this past weekend. I’m really excited about it. 

[1:02:33] SJ: Awesome. If people go to Amazon search for Casey Donatello. They’ll be able to find all your books. 

[1:02:40] CD: Yup. If you just go to my website, there’s links to everything there too. But yeah, fiction is a lot of fun. I got to say. I let my husband read all the stories to see if he gets hard or not when he reads the story and that’s how we know if the story is done or not, because cocks do not lie, people. You can use them for a lot of different things. 

[1:02:58] SJ: Awesome. Casey, that’s it. Thanks so much for coming on The Bad Girls Bible Podcast. 

[1:03:04] CD: Thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun. 

[1:03:07] SJ: One last thing before you go. If you want to hear more podcasts, just like this one, open your podcast app, search for Bad Girls Bible, and hit that subscribe button.

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