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It’s common for people to struggle to feel sexy, but this guide is full of things to try to help you feel sexier– and recognize the sexiness you already possess. So whether you’re trying to build confidence to get naked or go on a date, or simply want to appreciate yourself more, keep reading!
1. Pay Attention to What Puts You in a Sexy Mood
If you’ve paid a lot of attention to what your partner likes, you might have overlooked what gets you feeling sexy–or maybe you haven’t given either much thought. Now’s the time to change that! Pay attention to the things that make you feel sexier and confident, which isn’t necessarily the same as what makes you feel aroused and sexual.
Side note: If you are currently struggling to orgasm during sex or masturbation, then you may want to learn about the Easy Orgasm Solution. It will teach you how to have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation. It works even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating. You can find out more here.
Maybe a new outfit or haircut does the trick. Or you might feel sexy when smashing a pitch meeting or project at work. For some people, fixing the sink makes them feel powerful and sexy. You might realize that some of the things on this list make you feel like a sexy beast as they naturally happen. Whatever it is, pay attention!
This is a three-pronged approach.
1. Listen to your body – Being on the lookout for things that make you feel sexy, you’re more likely to appreciate when those things happen. You’ll also pay attention to how your mind and body feel, which is especially crucial for women to get in the mood.
2. Do more of these sexy things – Secondly, when you know what makes you feel sexy, you can add more of those things to your life. If you want to feel sexier more often, you can’t necessarily rely on it happening by chance, especially if your life is busy or stressful and doesn’t leave a lot of room for things that make you feel sexy. A little effort can go a long way when you add those things back into your life, however.
2. Move Your Body
For some people, exercise is a surefire way to feel more sexy! For starters, a hard workout can fill your body with feel-good chemicals known as endorphins. A workout that makes you feel strong and badass can also do the trick. Plus, maintaining health and strength over time is awesome for your sexual stamina.
Related: If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you’ll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You’ll also learn the 5 dangerous & “dumb” sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.
Related (for men): How to last longer during sex.
And while you might think it wouldn’t be sexy to drip with sweat, sometimes that’s exactly what a partner wants, so why not ask and see? Of course, you might invite them to join you in the shower if it’s not your thing.
Related: How to Have Incredible Shower Sex + 9 Shower Sex Positions
Moving your body doesn’t need to be an intense workout, either! Sometimes dancing around the living room is all you need to feel sexy as hell! Maybe you can even turn it into a lap dance for your partner.
But anything that gets your blood pumping is good for feeling sexy!
3. Consume Your Favorite Erotic Content
It can be hard to feel hot when your environment doesn’t remind you of sex. Enter erotic content. Whether you like reading sex stories online, books, audio stories, porn, or something else, break it out and be open to getting turned on!
…And if reading, watching or listening doesn’t do it, why not try making some of your own?!
4. Enlist Help
So far, the advice about how to feel sexy has focused on solo activities, but if you’ve got a willing partner–romantic or sexual–why not get them to help?
Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?
If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.
The type of help will vary depending on what works for you and your partner. For example, you might want physical contact such as a sensual massage, having your partner perform cunnilingus on you, or washing each other in the shower. Maybe you need some verbal reassurance about how much your partner wants or cares about you or it’s been a while since you’ve connected and a date night is in order.
Side note: Try praise kink & use these 39 praise kink phrases.
You may feel vulnerable to ask your partner for help, but doing so can bring you closer together. Not only will you feel sexy again, but your partner will be there for you to take action!
Psst, phone sex can make you feel sexy and works, even if you’re in a long-distance relationship!
Related: Long distance relationship advice to help you beat the distance.
5. Touch Yourself
Now, your mind might immediately go to using different masturbation techniques, and we’ll get to that shortly. But…
Touching your body in a sensual but not necessarily sexual way can make you feel incredibly sexy. Rub lotion into your skin, caress your curves, or stroke your hair. A shower can also help you connect to your body.
It doesn’t have to be super involved. You can get the benefits of human touch while remembering how much of a sensual person you are. This is especially important if you’re running low on human touch. And if massaging your legs leads to solo pleasure, so be it!
On the surface, it might seem backward to masturbate if you want to feel sexy again. However, for many women, mental desire follows physical arousal. In other words, many women need to physically arouse themselves first, before they become mentally turned on.
You might even imagine someone discovering you touching yourself and watching the show because it turns them on so much!
Learn: How to masturbate (for women): 7 step orgasmic guide.
6. Dress the Part
If you want to know how to feel sexy, you can start by looking sexy. Sometimes all you need to do to feel sexy again is to change out of those sweats! It’s hard to feel sexy if your hair is unwashed and your skin is greasy. If you’re covered in sweat, you might feel disconnected from your sexual side.
So hop in the bathroom or shower. Afterwards, you can try your cutest matching bra and panties or lingerie, which you can even wear under your clothing. Whatever makes you feel good when you run your hands across your body or smile when you look in the mirror works, whether it’s a pair of jeans that fits just right, a skirt, or a little black dress with your favorite pumps.
Related: 10 Vital Tips For Choosing The Perfect Lingerie
These suggestions are a little cliche, and it’s okay if they don’t work for you. The key is…
Find what type of clothes make YOU feel sexy.
A tailored business suit makes some people feel sexy. In fact, clothes that fit well and flatter can make you feel good, while clothing that you choose because it hides you can often do the opposite, according to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner in her book You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You.
It’s not just about dressing sexier for a guy, either. The way you dress should make you feel good.
7. Know Your Worth
Knowing your worth can take several forms, from setting and enforcing your boundaries, which makes you feel strong, to not wasting time on people who don’t respect you.
Say “No” – Saying “No” can be a powerful tool in your life, and not just if you are trying to learn how to feel sexy. Plus, it makes your “Yes” that much more powerful!
Treat yourself – If you know your worth, you’ll also feel good after treating yourself from time to time. Consider a massage or manicure or even a full spa day if time and money allow for it. Treating yourself looks different for everybody, so a snack, movie, or shopping trip might be more up your alley, and that’s perfectly fine!
You might realize that these descriptions sound an awful lot like your favorite self-care, and that’s because they are! But self-care goes beyond being nice to yourself. It also includes doing things that are good for you, even if you don’t particularly feel like it.
Solo date – Take it a step further and romance yourself with a solo date. Do everything you’d do to prepare for a date, such as shaving, doing your hair and makeup, and making a reservation, but go alone, even if you need to hire a babysitter! Enjoy the time you have to yourself… and remember not to accept less from anyone else.
8. Flirt
Flirting is a powerful way to feel hot! If you’re single, you can head online or out to the bar and turn your charm on a stranger–perhaps even someone you can enjoy the night with! Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, being flirted with can validate how sexy you actually are.
If you’re in a relationship, flirting can make you feel sexy and spice up your sex life. This is especially true if you’ve been together for a while and romance might have taken a backseat to other things in your life. It’s all too easy to forget to give your partner that attention.
Our detailed guide on how to flirt with a guy and these 15 tips for flirting should help.
Don’t forget about sexting, which can be considered a type of flirting. You could hit up a dating app or a partner who is happy to type dirty. What could be sexier than knowing how much someone else wants you?!
Read more: 13 sexting tips.
9. Eat Well
Some people really notice the impact that food has on their bodies. If you’re one of them, pay attention to what makes you feel energized, alert, and strong–and avoid things that make you feel sluggish or bloated. A good diet, including an appropriate number of calories, is good for overall health and can keep you at a size that you find sexy.
Even if you’re not especially impacted by what you eat, avoiding specific food on the days when you want to feel and be sexy is smart. Heartburn and tummy trouble definitely won’t help you feel sexy and can be distracting when you’re trying to get down and dirty!
Feeling sexy can involve multiple senses, so it’s worth mentioning a side effect of some food: bad breath. Don’t forget to brush or at least use a breath mint after eating garlic or drinking coffee if the smell leaves you feeling more self-conscious than sexy.
10. Visualize
When you can be sexy in your mind, it’s much easier to actually feel sexy! Imagine yourself as sexual goddess who knows what she wants–and gets it!
Next, add in your partner or even an adoring stranger. This doesn’t have to become a full-blown fantasy, although it’s okay if it does! Just visualize others appreciating your sexuality to acknowledge that it’s possible and accept such appreciation when it actually happens.
Related: The 10 Most Common Sexual Fantasies…You Gotta Try These
11. Take Boudoir Photos
If you’re having trouble imagining yourself as sexy, having sensual photos taken might help you actually see it. A skilled photographer knows how to make angles and lighting work to your advantage, not to mention makeup and lingerie, so you might become sexy before your very eyes! You can bring your partner or a friend if you’re worried about going alone.
Boudoir photos make a great gift but they’re not affordable for everyone (and more conservative folks might not like their partners having them taken).
Take them yourself – Take a page out of the photographer’s playbook and set up a space with sultry lighting where you won’t be distracted. Make yourself up and use the timer on your phone or even a selfie stick to take your own boudoir photos.
You have to use all the tricks of a professional, including angles, lighting, and editing, so this isn’t necessarily a quick or easy thing to do if you want perfect results. Fortunately, there are plenty of videos online to get you started.
Read now: Tips for taking sexy selfies.
12. Have Sex
If you feel so unsexy that the last thing you want to do is have sex, this might not be that helpful. But having sex can be a great way to feel sexy, especially if your partner worships your body.
Seeing how they look at you and hearing and seeing what they do when turned on and experiencing the pleasure you give them can give your sexual confidence a huge boost!
We doubt your partner will mind 😉
13. Avoid the Turnoffs
This might seem like a given, but sometimes we forget to avoid what makes us feel unsexy and turned off. It’s not always possible to avoid those things, but sometimes we need a reminder to guard our time and attention. When the situation becomes sexier, you might, too!
When it comes to wanting to have sex, not just feeling sexier and more confident, this is also important. That’s because sexual desire works on a dual-control system. Some things work to excite you sexually and make you more aroused, while others inhibit those feelings [1].
You can’t just add more turnons when you’re surrounded by turnoffs.
Stress is a huge turnoff [2]. So reducing it when possible and learning how to cope with it when it’s unavoidable will have resounding effects on your sex life and beyond.
Another turnoff is negative self-talk. It’s hard to feel sexy if someone is constantly putting you down, especially if that person is you!
Instead, redirect negative thoughts. It doesn’t have to be positive. Just replace it with a neutral thought if that’s all you can muster.
Don’t beat yourself up, though. That’s just more negative self-talk! If you find it especially hard to change this habit, you might find therapy helpful if it’s accessible. Self-help books are another option, too.
14. Talk to a Professional
We all need a little help once in a while, and that’s why professionals exist!
If your problem is really only in the bedroom and your only goal is to be sexier, a sex therapist might help. They’ll have a general therapy background in addition to more specialized training in sexuality. Sex therapists help solo and couple clients with their sexual issues.
But if you’re struggling generally with mental health, coping with stress, or self-esteem, including body image, you might be better served by someone whose focus isn’t sex. Remember, this isn’t an instant fix. The time and effort can be well worth it, however.
And if you think something biological might be making it hard to feel sexy (think postpartum depression or menopause), then consider an appointment with your doctor.
Do You Have to Relearn How to Feel Attractive?
The short answer? Yes. You may have to relearn what makes you feel sexy because it can change over time. Aging, illness, injury, having kids, ending relationships, stress from work, and all sorts of other life changes can impact what makes you feel sexy–and what doesn’t.
Try to approach these changes with a sense of curiosity and an open mind. Otherwise, you might find yourself miserable and unable to adapt throughout your life.
This leads us to our last point..
It’s Normal To Not Feel Sexy Sometimes
Sometimes life is incredibly demanding. If you or a loved one are sick, if you’ve lost a job or your home, or if you’re grieving over the death of a loved one, you don’t have to concern yourself with how to feel sexier.
If feeling sexy and having sex helps you feel better, go ahead and try the things in this guide. But you shouldn’t force yourself to try to feel sexy if it only adds more stress to your life.
Sometimes you just need to wait for things to calm down before you can really say, “I feel sexy.” How long you have to wait will depend on what’s going on. It might be a week if you’re in a part of your menstrual cycle that isn’t conducive to feeling sexy, or it might take a few months for grief to subside, a project to wrap up, or pregnancy hormones to return to normal.
Now that you understand how to be sexy–or how to recognize the sexy side of yourself that already exists–it’s time to head into the world and enjoy it! Enjoying flirting, fucking, and dressing in all the ways a woman who knows she couldn’t be sexier likes!
Orgasm Every Time. Easily. Here’s How…
I want to tell you about my friend Karen.
Karen came to me one day. She was hysterical.
She told me that her marriage was falling apart because she and her husband didn’t have satisfying sex.
Every time they were intimate, Karen was faking her orgasms. It turns out she couldn’t orgasm during sex.
In fact…
She never had an orgasm in her entire life. Not one!
This left her feeling embarrassed and ashamed. And…
She completely hid this from her husband. Thankfully…
It turns out that there is a way for any woman to orgasm. Easily. And have multiple vaginal and full body orgasms during sex and masturbation.
I shared the process with Karen.
After she followed the simple process, she could barely come to terms with how…
Quickly and dramatically her sex life changed.
We met up a few months later and…
She would not stop talking about it,
“I thought I was one of those women who couldn’t orgasm. I used to think I was ‘broken’ and ‘unfixable.’ This saved my sex life, and that saved my marriage.”
Even if you currently struggle to orgasm during sex or when masturbating, this process will also work for you.
And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.
